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Astrology Questions and Answers => Astrology Questions and Answers => Topic started by: paloma on October 08, 2006, 02:48:35 AM

Title: Complicated Long Distance Relationship
Post by: paloma on October 08, 2006, 02:48:35 AM
Hi, I have a question to do with my relationship.  I have been in a complicated long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 years now.  We have known each other for much longer here in Canada.  We dated a long time ago and then were not a part of each other's lives for 6 years.  We came together again 3 years ago.  We fell very much in love and saw each other in completely different light given our life experiences.  Before we became involved he had made the decision to go back to his home country in Iran after being here in Canada for 15 years.  Since then, we have gone through 3 separations where he has gone back and forth from Iran to Canada and I have gone back and forth from Europe to Canada.  He has built up a life in Iran with his family and has many opportunities to have his own business which he has always wanted in Iran.  But he does not have me there in Iran.  He has repeatedly told me that he has no love there, his love is here.  I am here.  He has returned 3 times to attempt to see if he can make a life here but all three times, he has chosen to go back.  This time, he has returned here again and we have decided to try to see if we can make a life here with each other.  As you may understand, life here in North America for a Muslim man is not easy and there are some fears about being here and raising a family here.  We love each other very much and have found it difficult to let each other go.  Neither of us want to do this.  I am struggling though with whether we are pushing too much to try and build a life together if his life belongs elsewhere vs. whether we are really meant to be together.  It hurts me to see how he misses his family and his life in Iran and I know that he can built a more financially successful life for himself in his own country.  He has asked me to go to Iran with him but we both know that it would be very difficult for me to do this.  I know that we make choices and that our choices create our experience but how do you know when your choice is to the detriment of the people you supposedly love?  My birthday is May 19, 1971, born in Kirkland Lake, Ontario Canada.  His birthday is October 22, 1964, born in Tehran, Iran.

Thank you,


Title: Re: Complicated Long Distance Relationship
Post by: paloma on October 08, 2006, 09:07:58 AM
Hi Lynelle,

It sounds to me that your boyfriend has made a decision that suits his life path; that is, to live in his country, near his family and to run his business. He seems to be pretty clear. My question for you is, are you ready to enter his story and be a part of it the way he needs you to be?

What is your life path? What do you want to do with your life? What is your calling? Is this relationship nurturing the person you want to be? Is your boyfriend a companion that is ready to support you in your quest, your needs and your desires?

We usually think love is THE energy that makes a committed relationship work; i say, love is  one element of an overall set on conditions that make any relationship work. There is a difference.

This is a discussion that plays the Saturn Neptune opposition; that is the confusion between reality and fantasy, the blurring of illusion into real life. Neptune represents a higher dimension of the ideal of love, that is the romantic ideal that has been built into our psyches : the image that says 'we are in love = we are meant to be together'; or falling in love is equal to getting married. This is a collective paradigm, and many time we are fooled into making this equation when in reality, for a relationship to work and evolve into time, we need Saturn. Saturn might feel like limits, restrictions, harsh reality: the things we don't want to confront because it doesn't 'feel' romantic, passionate, beautiful.

Saturn is connected with tradition and the past. It asks, what do you want to built? What relationship models are you using (or are influencing you) for this vision? What family values are involve in your relationship?

In your case Lynelle, i can see Saturn clearly played out in the cultural differences that separate you and your boyfriend.  Is he free from his inherited values? Are you ready to embrace these as yours? Have you been with your boyfriend in Iran? Have you seen him with his family? Is he the same man you know from Canada?

So, my answer asks you to be real.

Real says, maybe it's time to move on, maybe it's time to say good bye and to accept the limitations as an invitation to a new path. You can do this by honoring the love that you have shared, and by accepting that is is a time for change. This can be an empowering process.

Some doors need to be closed in order to have others to open.

Go deep within yourself. Be the person you are meant to be. Do Saturn.

And send me your birth time, so we can look at your chart.

I hope to hear from you with some answers, Lynelle.

Con cari

Title: Re: Complicated Long Distance Relationship
Post by: paloma on October 15, 2006, 11:26:18 AM

Dear Lynelle,

You have a conjunction of Neptune and Jupiter in Saggitarius the seventh house opposing you natal Sun conjunct Saturn in the first house, in Taurus. Venus in Taurus is in the 12th house, inconjunct Neptune and Jupiter;  Mars conjunct Vesta is in Aquarius in the tenth house;  and the Moon is in Piscis in the 12th house.

For starters, in a women chart it is always good to look at Mars; this will be the spot that would help us define the ideal partner, the masculine side that will suit your nature. Mars is the mirror of your animus; the place of your masculine side that complements you. The Mars Aquarius and tenth house combination says to me that first you need a very open minded partner, who is not jealous, nor possessive, who gives you lots space and freedom to express your personality, your drive and your need for diversity in your career (and in your sexuality). Usually your choice of partners will have a strong impact in your professional decisions ; it is a good idea to be aware of the effects of your commitments in relationships and their influence in your vocational path; one should not detriment the other. With Vesta there it seems that your devotional capacity needs a balance between vocation and your love life, and that you need to feel that fire burning equally in both aspects.

I would say, be conscious of your desires on how you want to project yourself in the world and ask yourself how does your partner fits this picture. Is he supportive of your path and choices? Is he aware of your need for diversity, exploration, freedom? Is he a keeper of the fire that burns intensely within yourself, and that you want to put out  into the world?

With Neptune and Jupiter in the seventh house you may have a tendency to idealize your partners, and your idea of how the relationship is working. There is an excess quality to this combination, and a lot of room for illusion and desillusion. There is something about blind faith that can translate itself as an over spiritualization of love that has a fated quality to it, as if the relationship was of a higher dimension, predestined to be. This expansive quality can be working against the reality behind the dream. This strong feeling of a fated union could be blinding you to the hidden and real differences between you and your partner. I would say, as a general rule, be cautious.

Venus in the 12th house inconjunct these two planets, points out to some hidden matters, subconscious motives and agendas that are invisible, but very present. Before making a commitment be disciplined in sorting out carefully with your partner what is his idea of the long term relationship and how this suits your personal style and needs. For that you will need to scrutinize your deep hidden desires and values, and be honest about your goals, and work on what standards are possible for both of you.

With Saturn and Sun opposing Neptune and Jupiter i will work diligently on finding the middle ground . There is a polarity between reality and fantasy that could cause you much disappointment. Your expectations might be very high, and Saturn will always ask you to keep it real. With such a strong Taurus presence in your chart, i would assume it is not that easy for you to let go of the ideal you have built. Be careful with stubbornness.

Your Piscis Moon adds a high emotional energy to the mix; usually your emotions can be stronger than your reason, determining your actions in a  way that might be detrimental to your real needs. I would say, too, don't be too fast in responding to your partner emotional pressures; take your time.

At the beginning of November through all the month your will experience the transit of Jupiter opposing your natal Saturn and Sun, and conjuncting Neptune and Jupiter in the seventh house. I would call this a turning point in your relationship and in your life. The Jupiter Saturn opposition has a misjudgment quality to it, and it it not a good time for decisions because you might feel caught between optimism and caution. This is an inherent conflict in your natal chart , and it is activated by the present situation you are living with your boyfriend. It would be a good idea to wait before committing further; Jupiter feels really great and expansive and that all is possible... and sure, it might be, but my experience tells me that it is a good idea to wait until it's effects are over, and see how lasting all is.

To finish, i would use this next New Moon in Libra, on the 21, to work either by yourself, or with your boyfriend on the long term goals you both have, and how you fit into each others life. There is a contract quality to this Moon that could be beneficial for both of you if you work together on being very real about the future.

Good luck, Lynelle,

Let us know how you are doing,



Title: Re: Complicated Long Distance Relationship
Post by: paloma on October 16, 2006, 12:37:45 PM
Hello Dear Paloma, 

Thank you so much for your insight and your feedback for my question!  The older that I get the more I feel the polarity in my chart with the Sun/Saturn and Jupiter/Neptune opposing each other.  Much of my life now is about finding the middle ground, it is difficult though when emotions are involved, as you have noted, especially for me!  My boyfriend and I will take this time now to really discuss where we fit into each other's lives.  We have talked about my returning to Europe as this is where I feel that I can make my contribution to the world from a vocational standpoint.  In Europe, my Chiron is close to the MC which is good for my healing work and is really what I wish to focus on.  I loved being in Europe and I miss it very much.   He has spoken about returning to Iran to focus on his needs.  He wishes to come to Europe one day to join me and for now this is our relationship plan.  But I do remain cautious.  This relationship has given me a lot of freedom and flexibility to develop my own abilities, more than any other one, mainly because of the distance factor.  When we are together, we enjoy each other, when we are apart, although we miss each other, we have been able to put our energy on ourselves.  Strange, but I have enjoyed that.  But, we remain realistic though that things may change and I am okay with that.  I am often torn between wanting "the marriage and kids" package and something else...I am learning that perhaps I need something else from my relationships. 

Thank you so much Paloma, you have given me much to think over and I will be in touch....Many blessings!!