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This space is a dialog with astrologers. You may submit your question to By submitting a question, you agree to have the question, chart, and birth data published in Astrology Secrets Revealed, and in other projects of Planet Waves, Inc. We will not publish your contact information.

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Author Topic: On sexuality and maturity  (Read 3371 times)
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« on: September 19, 2006, 01:08:34 PM »

Hey there astrologers/universe projectile people. I hope all is well.

I am pretty good, so good it
« Last Edit: September 19, 2006, 03:55:51 PM by paloma » Logged

I am available for in depth readings by mail and phone; or in person, if you are in Barcelona. I am fluent in french, spanish and english. Contact me at
Eric Francis
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« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2006, 01:59:01 PM »

Dear Sara:

I asked Maya Dexter, a Planet Waves writer and competent astrologer, to respond to your query. I could have said some of the things she does and I may yet respond, but I wanted her take. I asked her because she is a woman who I can reasonably say has been through it all, in a way that reminded me of where you're coming from in your letter.

It came back to one thing she said to me years ago: Gee, if I knew masturbation could be so good, I would not have got myself so entangled with men.

So -- here is the beginning of the discussion. If you google Maya Dexter you'll come up with dozens of her Genexhibitionist articles.

Eric Francis

From Maya:

Wait, just making sure here: do you really just want to have a boyfriend to have sex?  Because you know you don't actually need one of those to get satisfaction.  In fact, sometimes they really get in the way of it!  Go to a store and buy some friends. A variety of them. With batteries. Some of them waterproof.

Seriously. Please don't get a boyfriend just to get laid.  You'd be doing both of you a profound disservice. If you need a warm body, one night stands are easily had, if rather dangerous, messy, and unsatisfying. But please don't lead some unsuspecting guy into becoming emotionally entangled with you just so you can get off. That's an immature response to desire. Nobody likes to be used.

Often when we do (or want to do) something and we don't know why, it's because we're experiencing avoidance. You got both the Moon and pluto in the 12th house, which in my opinion is all about avoidance, especially avoiding or disguising your feelings (Moon) and/or sexuality (Pluto/Scorpio), and possibly some other stuff.

It sounds to me like you're avoiding some feeling, which you are looking to cover with bringing a man into your life to have sex with. Sit still and ask yourself, what might that thing be? Don't judge it, just watch it work itself in your life. If there's one thing I'm an expert on, it's being horny to cover up some deeper fear.  It defined my 20's. I was desperately afraid I was unlovable and I needed constant validation of my attractiveness to even begin to attempt to slow the flow of emotional bleeding.

Now, I'm not saying that's exactly the same as what you're doing, I'm just saying that many of us find ourselves in the trap of using sex as a protective barrier to avoid some experience deep within ourselves.  I had to stare every one of my fears square in the face and learn to love myself before I could experience sexual intimacy that didn't leave me feeling lonlier than before but craving more.  But it's 1000% worth it.

My advice: be your own boyfriend for as long as it takes. Take yourself out, give yourself flowers, listen to yourself, give yourself pleasure, until you forget the notion of needing men for anything. Then one day when you are happily living your life, someone will take your breath away, crack you wide open and vulnerable, and you will wonder how you lived your life without them.  Until then, please be very gentle with hearts as you are in a position to break them rather casually.

-- Maya Dexter
« Last Edit: September 20, 2006, 02:06:24 PM by Eric Francis » Logged
Eric Francis
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« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2006, 03:26:32 PM »

Dear Sara,

I've been thinking about this one a lot.

Generally I feel that sexual curiosity is the highest form of curiosity. Western culture is pretty much back to "before" whatever era you want to name in terms of how we treat, handle and value sexuality of young people, adolescents and young adults. This is part of general denial and also of the anti-science, anti-human-independence movement that we are living through and don't realize it.

Looking at your chart, Sara, I think that you need to put your sexual exploration into context. I can tell you have a lot of energy (just about all young people, and most of the rest of us, do!)

Your 5th house, for example, is pretty much bursting, with a Venus-Sun conjunction in Aries. That says "sexual curiosity" like nothing else. But what's important to notice is that it's self (Sun + Aries + 5th) centered.

When you relate to another person, self is part of it and then you have their self and a kind of third self that is the experience. What your chart tells me is that the impassioned curiosity of the 5th house is going to pretty quickly bring up the hidden material of the 12th -- Mars and Moon in Scorpio, equally passionate, but much stranger. The 12th represents hidden material, including all the hidden material of your mother. I strongly suggest you sit her down for a thorough interview about her sexual history before you embark on the rest of yours.

I propose you really need a strong container for your sexual expolriation. That's going to start with you knowing about sex. Ignorance abounds. It is stunning. Please read everything you can, particularly the books The Joy of Sex and More Joy, both edited by Dr Alex Comfort. I suggest you get a copy of The Hite Report, an old bestesller that you can find easily, which is a survey of women and how they feel about their erotic experiences.

I highly recommend Sex For One by Betty Dodson and My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday. There is a pretty amazing, honest website called SoloTouch at that will teach you a lot, and their resources section is just excellent.

I think, along these lines, that given your chart, you need to spend a lot of time talking to other young men and women about sexuality and seeing where everyone is at. You need to compare notes and get the lay of the land, no pun intended. Anyone you ever have sex with, you need to check in advance that you can actually communicate with them about sex, feelings and your life. Make sure they can talk honestly about their life.

You are clearly going to do a lot of self exploration through sexuality with others. I know a lot about this from experience; it's one of the ways I've lived my life. One way to do this [more] safely is to experiment with people who you truly trust, who are older and have more experience than you -- who understand that you are in a phase of self-exploration and not necessarily romance. But trust is imperative; and it takes some learning.

Certain factors in your chart strongly caution you to make sure you know "both sides" of a person as best you can before engaging them in deep emotional and erotic contact. (Astrological reference is Gemini planets in the 7th house, particularly Mars -- that Mars has two definite sides and they correspoond to your two sides. But also in the same house, that 'older person' I mention above is Jupiter [another option, and also a tendency to be drawn to older people], which also rules your 2nd house -- selflove and self given pleasure, so that is a theme).

Referring to Mars in Gemini, that "other side" is going to come out in or after an erotic encounter and you will want to be familiar with it -- in your partner, and in yourself.

This kind of planning or foresight is not always possibile; sex is passion and you are passionate. But I suggest you do your best and prepare yourself, so that when you reach the deep water, you will know now to swim. Until then, you have a very interesting chart where masturbation is concerned and that, for sure, will be a lifelong source not only of pleasure but of inner psychological exploriation for you. Many people admit that masturbation is some of the hottest sex they've ever had, and I will tell you one little thing I've learned from a heck of a lot of discussions about sex with both mentors and peers: people who are positive about masturbation are the ones who are the most sexually enlightened.

People who have a problem with masturbation tend to have other, more serious issues as well. I suggest you choose lovers with whom you can be absolutely, unabashedely open about masturbation. This is not a failsafe test, but it works pretty good, and this kind of openness, including sharing masturbation, tends to establish erotic independence as a foundation of the relationship rather than getting deeply intertwined right away.

Perhaps I can explain this one, or at least offer a theory. We have a very serious problem of people - particualrly women - not owning their sexuality. Usually, nobody sits you down and says, "It's your pussy -- got it?" People who are clear that masturbation is a wholesome source of erotic pleasure and inner exploration tend to be the ones who know that they belong to themselves.

And generally, when a person is centered this way, truly centered in themsleves, they are easier to communicate with and get along with; this would count for you too. I have a vision for life that instead of just having lovers, we also have selflove lovers -- people who are in our lives to help us learn to love ourselves and experience pleasure, in a way that is fully self-supportive. Not your ordinary boyfriend or girlfriend, but someone devoted to what you might call the greater purpose, learning to love and BE ourselves.

Yours truly,

Eric Francis
« Last Edit: September 22, 2006, 03:54:01 PM by Eric Francis » Logged
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« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2006, 08:31:24 AM »

This response is from Sarah, September 27, 2006 at 2:49 EST

To Eric and Maya,

Well, I am super thankful you guys responded to my question. I had
sent it wanting/half not expecting an answer, and in some honesty I was
a little embarrassed it got an answer. But I was very happy to get it, and it does make me think.
Hopefully I didn
« Last Edit: September 27, 2006, 08:43:06 AM by paloma » Logged

Want a personal reading?
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Eric Francis
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« Reply #4 on: September 28, 2006, 04:21:02 AM »

Sara -- Mars per se does not have a double personality -- Mars in Gemini does.

Jupiter in Gemini is more like "forward in all directions."

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