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Author Topic: Just Married  (Read 2252 times)
deirdre
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« on: October 14, 2006, 01:33:53 PM »

This Forum member, who calls herself here saggi gal, wrote in about anxiety and tension which kicked in a few months after being married. A facter which exaggerated this experience is that her partner chose to move from his country, Ireland, to Austrailia to be with saggi gal. She explains:

September 6, 2006

hi there,

i am wondering if someone could provide me with some insight and perspective regarding relationship difficulties i am going through at the moment. My partner and i were married on July 3rd this year and have encountered enormous stress ever since. the wedding was the culmination of an amazing courtship that followed a very fated-feeling' re meeting after not having seen each other for years.

Ever since the wedding every negative feeling we have has emerged, especially seeing we have had to go through some dramatic lifestyle changes, which has left my partner in particular feeling very angry and bitter. It leaves us often with the feeling that we made a mistake when we know in our hearts we didnt. I have tried many different approaches in gaining perspective on this but we just feel overwhelmed. We love each other passionately but seem to be going through a very bad run.

i have been trying to apply my rudimentary knowledge of astrology and transits to the situation but am not getting very far. any insight would be appreciated. My partner is a libra with cancer rising and virgo moon  and i am a sag with aries rising and aquarius moon.

thank you

saggi gal

......................................................................................

September 16, 2006

hi there,

im sorry to be a nag...i emailed last week about my relationship, and every day feels like a month so im feeling a bit frazzled. i asked about how things have been between  my partner and i since we married on july 3rd this year. we are from different countries, him from dublin, me from perth , australia, but its too simplistic to just say we its a relocation anxiety. things have been uber tense, though with alot of commited moments to remind ourselves of why we did this in the first place. we honestly believe we are meant to be together, and this is from a very independent saggi gal, who never thought any guy would be worth giving a heart to! I mean, there were alot of trust issues for me, and i am older than him and seemigly simultaneously more cynical and more hopeful in the ways of the heart. he has proven to be the most loyal, faithful man i have ever met. and yet we are plagued with problems. all my previous issues of identity (thanks pluto!) seem pale in comparison. i have been through alot of lonely, angsty years before we got together, just trying to have integrity and be true to myself (harder than people think!). then we met and i just thought, oh my god, i didnt even know this is what i was looking for.

the decision to get married was also a very intersting one considering i am fundamentally against 'institutions' but have injected it with a paradigm i think fitting of  a more progressive, inventive coupling. so why all the drama and pain?

i know you are all very busy with your own projects and others writing in. i would love some insight on this, as we are very stuck and i know there is motre to it than i am tihnking.

many many thanks

a desperate lovelorn saggi x x x x

......................................................................................

September 23, 2006

Hi,

im not sure if you forgot about me or not? didnt want to be hassling you as i know how things slip away when there are alot of other emails coming in, but would still love your insights... i wrote regarding the *interesting* times since my wedding in July this year.

Things have been even more strange since i emailed last time, with a certain detachment coming through me in regards to how i process different possibilities for the future and the feelings i had about what i thought marriage would be. in truth there's probably alot of this that has to do with facing those illusions of 'perfect love' that i thought i had bypassed by perhaps hadn't. Also realising how strongly my family of origin identity keeps me from fully embracing a 'new' family, ie with me and my partner as the 'grown ups'. Yesterday's solar eclipse was a wierd trip too. Anyway, would love your input on these themes.

By the way am loving the forum and seeing the interaction and replies, it is really informative , from a life point of view rather than just astrologically, as im comforted always by seeing the struggles to live well held by others.

thanks
saggigal


......................................................................................

October 2, 2006

hello fishy eric et al,

just thought i would wave my hand again and send a reminder of my email. It seems that the Sun going into libra (along with venus) has applied some kind of soothing balm to my Libran partner but the underlying stress seems to be continual. I wonder if the tension of relationship is what we both are resistant to, the ability to merge two lives together without giving up your sense of self, or is it that your sense of self is meant to be transformed through relationship and it is that i am resisting that shift, hanging desperately onto who i was beforehand.

The ambiguous notion of 'marriage' at this point in history also adds something to the mix, i think, as i quite definatively never want to be a 'wife' or in any kind of gender-coersion of who i am. It was easier to direct my life and act through varying transits etc when i was on my own, and i miss that but i also view marriage as something i am meant to be involved in, and that the tension between ambivalence and love is something rich unto itself.

anyway, any words would be really appreciated, as i cannot come up with any more insights, especially of the astrological kind...

Have a happy aquarius moonie day.

saggigal

natal chart of saggigal
http://planetwaves.net/chart.php?c=saggigalxxx
« Last Edit: October 26, 2006, 02:23:20 PM by deirdre » Logged

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deirdre
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« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2006, 04:45:52 AM »

Dear saggi gal,

I think the greatest gift you can bring to your partnership is your whole sense of self with confidence. While your marriage is so young I encourage you to practice this from the very beginning. Remember that in the end, no matter what he says, your partner loves you for being saggi gal, the mystical free spirt. 

You may be very kind and give in to what your new husband wants just to get him out of a bad mood. I suggest taking a very active role, claim your space and your energy.

What are your goals in life? What is your career? What do you do with your creative energy? What groups are you involved with?

You have, saggi gal, a point of tension in your natal chart. This is Uranus in Scorpio in the 7th house. This placement of Uranus works most favorably when you can be in a partnership that allows you freedom
« Last Edit: October 26, 2006, 09:21:58 AM by deirdre » Logged

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deirdre
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« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2006, 06:59:31 AM »

Saggigal wrote back on October 15, 2006, here is what she says:

Hi Deidre, thank you for your response.

ill try to answer some of your questions...
first off, i agree with everything you say in the email, and yes i find it hard to claim my space and energy as you suggest. My partner has moved  from friends and family to be with me so i find it hard to be as strong about boundaries as i would usually be. its a crucial point of tension within myself , not to mention the relationship. he is, in some ways, at a slightly different stage of life than i am.

As for my own work and creativity, i am a PhD student who also teaches at university part time, working in the area of cultural critical theory. I am pretty heavily immersed in this work and i love it. This is very theoretical in terms of my writing, but requiring leadership and emotionality in terms of the teaching. Some days im not so sure if i want to be a full time academic after i finish but the writing and the learning...i have realised i need to be stimulated intellectually to have any happiness in my life.

I have always worked in roles where i manage or lead (sometimes by default) and im ambitious but not in a '2 cars' kinda way, more in terms of fulfilling the maximum i can within myself, which i know also manifests through writing and publications and the ideas i get wrapped up in. i really love that aspect of it, and have had alot of success with it.

i think by nature i often please and 'fill in the (emotional) gaps' that are needed without even thinking, and i nurture my partner alot. But that is countered by a strong will and anger when i feel like someone else is taking too much, and i have a specific dislike of feeling other people are just dumping their negative emotions on me expecting me to react.

you are right that i need my freedom, it has been a huge theme in my life; in the past, in my early 20s etc, this has taken on literal connotations of travelling alone, quitting jobs on a whim , different groups of friends etc, but as ive gotten a bit older it has become  a very psychological based thing- if i feel someone has boxed me in, or doesnt allow me to be my own person (especially when there are gender assumptions as well), or there are obligations put on me, then  i feel very very trapped. and i usually then act in anger, or do a very aloof emotional 'disappeering' act where i just tune out.  (i have read that this may be attributed to my Aquarian moon as well?) .

This last 10 years has been pretty full on for me, alot of shedding my old skin and having some tough lessons about what is true for me, (ihave been intensely following the explainations of pluto in Saggitarius to understand this) and so i have become quite ruthless about when i think something is not right for me, or is asking something of me that is unreasonable. i feel like i am more sure now of my own self than ever yet am really challenged by being with another person.i find it hard still to not be 'selfish' and how to balance my desires for myself now that im married. (ps i never thought i'd get married, i was not one of the little girls who dreamt of her white dress).

i like the idea of working in the community, and have a specific desire to do that, though im not sure doing what, or  how.

i hope that has addressed some of your queries?

saggigal
« Last Edit: October 15, 2006, 09:36:33 AM by deirdre » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2006, 02:39:29 PM »

Dear sagi gal,

How are you? How has the last week and a half been?

You described that your relationship feels kind of lopsided now, mostly because of the international factor combined with your wish to be free. There is a lot of pressure that BOTH of you live in a specific place, within the designated budget, having an unequal amount of everything, sort of.... and all of that FOREVER. But seriously, you are not really locked in. There are options and the two of you are the leaders with the executive powers.

I have a Moon in Saggi friend who has done a lot of moving around in her life and had a bunch of international boyfriends. She feels the ideal situation is two foreigners in a 3rd country. That way, they can both laugh at the natives and not get their feelings hurt. I don't know what
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