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Author Topic: I don't know where my talents lie.  (Read 3919 times)
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« on: October 26, 2006, 03:14:50 PM »

Dear ASR:

On this beautiful, sunny day I am about ready to lose my shit. Yes, I know that everyone is looking for their meaning or purpose these days, but I'm really, really going to lose it if I don't find SOME direction soon. I've been feeling it rising like a storm like I'm going to crack if I don't do something soon - but no direction presents itself.

I had always wanted to be a university professor, but was rejected from PhD programs 3 years in a row. When I finally did get accepted to one school, 3 weeks into the program, I ended up in the emergency room with a life-changing illness that forced me to drop out of the program. After awhile, I started thinking, gee, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe I'm supposed to do something else! My problem is that that was 10 year ago, and I still have NO clue what it is that I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm seriously depressed.

People usually respond with "helpful" questions like, "Well, what have you always want to do?" But that's the problem: I don't know. I don't where my talents lie, or even if I have any purpose.

I have seen you give specific advice about things such as "you have the chart of a writer." Can you  please tell me what my chart says that I would be good at or where my talents lie?

Thank you. Signed: Travel_Chick

I am available for in depth readings by mail and phone; or in person, if you are in Barcelona. I am fluent in french, spanish and english. Contact me at
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« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2006, 03:28:20 PM »

I asked our Travel friend some questions, here they are with her answers and some clarifications from her part; i'll be back soon with some ideas to share.

My questions:

1. What do you do for living?
2. What was the date of your illness? What was is about?
3. Do you have a hobby?

And her answers (thank you!):

After I wrote my initial question, I realized that I might have rephrased to say it a way that was not so self-absorbed Smiley I should have asked, "What are my talents and gifts, and, more importantly how can I use those gifts to make some difference in the world."

1. I am currently a corporate media analyst for a PR firm. I write reports on various industries and track certain companies in the media to report on how they are being perceived. I know I should be grateful that I make very good money. High paying corporate jobs that I dislike seem to drop into my lap. Am I destined to work in a gray cubicle? Just because I'm good at what I do doesn't mean I like what I do. I'm blessed in this way, yet I'm miserable sitting at a desk in a corporate environment.

2. My illness is type 1 diabetes. My pancreas completely shut down and I lost 25 pounds in one month. I was dehydrated and lost my vision for several weeks, and couldn't work or go to school for the next 4 months. The actual date of diagnoses was March 9, 1997. I take 7 shots of insulin per day now, and now it's just a normal part of my life - but I MUST have a job with health insurance. Truth be told, I didn't like the PhD program that I was finally accepted into, but I felt like I had to say yes because it was the only school I got into. 3 weeks into it, I was in the hospital.

3. Hobbies: I love to travel, learn foreign languages, read, and play my guitar. I would love to live in a foreign land permanently and be a writer. I tried for 3 years to get a job in a foreign country but that didn't pan out either. When I put my mind to it, I can write some pretty funny stuff, and I've had several people tell me I should be a writer. However, I'm usually so tired from my corporate job that I don't even want to look at a computer screen on the weekend. To be totally honest, I'm afraid to try writing because I'm afraid I'll fail at that too.

My main battle since grad school has been feeling like a failure and it's REALLY impacting my life.  Several people I know (who had far worse grades than I did) got into PhD programs with no problem at all. Several got academic jobs with no problem, and even a handful got jobs overseas. I'm totally mystified, and it's hard not to take this personally. I need to let go of the past and GET OVER IT. If I pull my head out of my ass for a second, however, I think there must be a reason I keep getting blocked when I choose a given path. Perhaps it's because I've been selfish in making be all about what I want. Perhaps I'm supposed to be doing something for others. That's why I want to know what areas my talents and gifts are in and what I should be doing. I'm hoping it's something that I haven't even thought of yet. I'm hoping that the universe has other plans for me -- and I hope that doesn't involve working for The Man.

Thanks so much for your insight and for your time.


I am available for in depth readings by mail and phone; or in person, if you are in Barcelona. I am fluent in french, spanish and english. Contact me at
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« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2006, 12:24:41 PM »

"Disease is the result of inhibited soul life"
Alice Bailey
Esoteric Healing


Thank you for your question, and your sharing with us. I will answer it in parts. Before going into your chart, i'd like to share some comments.

Your question points to a core issue for all of us, one that each one of us must address at some point in our path: that is, what is my purpose; what is the point, meaning of my existence; how can i feel that my life has a direction, usefulness and mission, that not only will make me feel complete, integrated, but, that at the same time, or as a result, has a collective meaning too?

To address this, right to the core of the issue, one has to work at the soul level; that is, what is the soul's purpose? In order to do this we have to open (all of us) our minds to the concept of incarnation and past lives, so we can grasp what this concept means;  this is, remembering why we are here, why we made the choice and commitment of being born in a specific family, with a specific genetic pattern, in a specific environment, and within specific socio-economical and cultural conditions, that will influence our identity and personality construction. This set up gives us the opportunity to go through the necessary lessons to learn, and evolve spiritually. The principle behind this is that we are all responsible for the circumstances that condition us into being who we are, and that we have the free will and power to make choices... that is the right choices, to fulfill our soul's desire.

Joy. Like a bird on the wing,
I fly towards the sun.
I sing in my soul,
so that all I meet can hear.

Joy is one of the greatest quality of the soul. If we can find what makes our joy come forth, we are on the right path. What makes you joyful makes you who you are; it is your the sense of self, your inner truth. When your inner Sun is shinning you feel the joy of being alive and giving life.

Usually in our chart the Sun rules our identity. An inner Sun that doesn't shine points out to an identity loss or and identity conflict, in which we cannot express our sense of self. This, without doubt, will lead us into confusion, depression and in the long run, illness.

The solar plexus, the third energy center of the body called Manipura, is located between the navel and the heart. It rules the self will power to manifest through the ego, that is the personality; enthusiasm, self esteem, joy, desire, are some of the words associated with this chakra; and, 'gut feeling' which is the intuitive ability to know what is good for us, and act on it: an important skill for decision making.

'The pancreas lies in the abdomen and is close to the solar plexus. (...) The pancreas has two secretions, both insulin, one concerned with the digestive processes and the other known to be vital to the metabolism of sugar. Without sufficient sugar for the cells, no muscle work or nerve work - essentials in the struggle for existence - are possible.' (Berman, Louis, M.D., The Glands Regulating Personality)

'Diabetes is more definitely the result of wrong inner desires, and is not so definitely the result of wrong outer desires.' Says Alice Bailey. 'These may originate in this life (...) or be inherited from a previous existence. In this latter case, the incarnating soul chooses a family in which to be born, which will endow it with a body having a tendency or a natural predisposition to this disease.' She also says,  'Cancer and diabetes are more definitely in the class of diseases which are connected with inner emotional desires and the violent suppressed wish-life of many.'

Venus is the ruler of our needs and desires; of our sense of value, and of our love of self (our experience of ourselves as beautiful and the joy it brings to us). Through this planet we experience the rapture of beauty, pleasure and the nature of our sexuality; it rules our relationship to the objects of our desires.

It's feminine sensual and earthy manifestation is Taurus, ruling the senses, touch, taste, smell, sound and sight, and it's masculine side is ruled by Libra, the sign of relating and partnering.

And Venus rules sugar.

One of the major aspects of an identity crisis is the inability to define desires. We are so often motivated by unsatisfied needs that push us into desiring the wrong things. Usually, before higher needs can get satisfied we need to learn to take care of the basic ones. I would say these are, 1. survival: food, water, sleep; 2. security: a home, family, social structure; and 3. esteem: love of self, and recognition from others, which then, allow us to become everything we can become. From here we look for the experiences and knowledge to achieve the goals set from this basic structure, and we grow and expand.

The reason why fat is eliminated from the diet of diabetics is because it retards insulin production. Jupiter rules fat. With diabetics, Jupiter is usually afflicted by Saturn, limiting the expansive quality of this planet.

I will go into the astrology during the week, but for now, i have some questions for you.

What is your relationship with your diabetes? How do you live throught the limitations it imposes on your life? What have you learned? What effect, if any, it has in your work, and in your relationships? Who else is diabetic in your family?

On another note, give me three things that bring joy into your life; i am not asking about what you like doing, just what experiences, objects, circumstances in your life had triggered this feeling in you.

Thank you for your patience, dear. I have to say that you are very brave, and i feel you are listening to your soul calling... that is such a good place to be.

With love,


« Last Edit: October 29, 2006, 05:36:41 PM by paloma » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2006, 04:48:39 PM »

Hi everyone,

I have received a complain concerning this paragraph:

'To address this, right to the core of the issue, one has to work at the soul level; that is, what is the soul's purpose? In order to do this we have to open (all of us) our minds to the concept of incarnation and past lives, so we can grasp what this concept means;  this is, remembering why we are here, why we made the choice and commitment of being born in a specific family, with a specific genetic pattern, in a specific environment, and within specific socio-economical and cultural conditions, that will influence our identity and personality construction. This set up gives us the opportunity to go through the necessary lessons to learn, and evolve spiritually.'

So, i want to clarify what my intentions are by saying this.

'In order to do this we have to open (all of us) our minds to the concept of incarnation and past lives...' what i was trying to say, is that i wanted to use this frame of reference to work in this particular chart; my intention was, besides the traditional ones, to use esoteric rulerships, especially to adress the concept of 'soul purpose'; which is one way of a approaching the issue of finding one's true calling. By saying 'all of us' i include myself... i am more the sceptic rational type, and have no proof of reencarnation ... so for me it is a stretch to open this door. If it sounded like an dogmatic position, i clarify; it is really not my style. But, i want to add, that the art of astrology is a stretch in itself, too... We are in the lands of a creative language, symbols and interpretations, and for me, reencarnation and past lives concepts, is a good image to work with as any other, especially if it help us understand our relationship to our path better.

'with a specific genetic pattern, in a specific environment, and within specific socio-economical and cultural conditions, that will influence our identity and personality construction'... this concept allows us to have a discussion about victimhood and free will; it is a window of interpretation of present conditions; in other words, we can ask: how did we get here, and where is here?

This chart in particular has two major player, Pluto and Uranus in the twelve house. The 12th represents the unknown and the hidden. In this chart Pluto is squaring the Sun, so there is an intention here to take a leap into the void  of the 12th house and to bring light into the hidden. I work with psycho genealogy (the study of the genealogical tree from a psychological stand point), which is an excellent tool for bringing awarnes to the invisible past we all carry, to release it and to heal it in order to be free to be who we are, in the present, without repeating long held generational patterns.

In his autobiography, 'Of water and the Spirit', Malidoma Som
« Last Edit: October 30, 2006, 04:51:26 PM by paloma » Logged

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« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2006, 07:39:08 AM »

Dear Travel_ Chick,

A chart is a whole story. Things are not separated from one another... something that happens on a superficial level can have a inner resonance that can go back for years, or an event that seems to have no connection with other aspects of our lives can be totally related on a deeper, hidden level. The 12th house is the hidden, and the subconscious factors that operate without our knowing. Our personality and desires (the conscious part of our minds) might want to move one way, and then "something happens" that changes our life's direction. The 'hidden enemy' aspect of the 12th house , presupposes the idea of some sort of 'attack' that make us feel like victims of fate; usually hidden enemies are currents that come from our geneaological tree, or past lives information (both points to the concept of remote past) that needs to be made visible, then released in order to be healed... so with two major transformational forces, Pluto and Uranus, in this placement -especially Pluto squaring Sun and Venus; and Uranus opposition to Chiron- my take is that some hidden aspects of your past interrupted the manifestation of your desires (Sun Venus), to put it at it's simplest. And this happened trough a healing crisis (Chiron in the sixth house).

Pluto works as a destroyer so we can transform ourselves on a cellular level and be reborn; it will take from our life anything that is not useful for our evolution; it has the quality of the shadow that need to be crossed in order to reach the light behind it. It has an energy of initiation. Usually Pluto works with our deepest fear and its lesson is to let go of the hold the past has on us. Uranus works as a reformer; the changes it brings are sudden, like a lightning bolt with which the reality we used to be bound to is, all of the sudden, a different one. It breaks the wall that confined us so we can experience freedom. It can be harsh.

My take is that what you felt as a strong urge and desire to be an academic, and study a Phd, was what we call a manifestation of a 'wrong desire' ( i think you have come this conclusion yourself by telling me 'i would have traveled instead', right?). What do we mean by 'wrong desire'? Well, here is where i find the concept of esoteric astrology to be somehow helpful. It establishes the human path as a relationship between the soul and the personality; soul's purpose is the drive that makes us evolve into the best we can be; we can call it spirit, inner truth, sense of self, higher self, etc, and the personality, would be the social self, the person we are in relationship with the world; the personality is built by our environment, and our upbringing; it is subject to influences that have molded us into being. From an esoteric astrology standpoint, the personality is a vehicle for the soul's purpose manifestation, and usually, it points out to any  blocks that would make the personality be disconnected from the soul's purpose. This theory adds the fact that the path of the soul is a path of joy; that is, that finding our true calling will bring us the sense of joy we all look for, and that when we are disconnected from this, we feel lost, sad, confused, etc.

So let's take a look at this: it points out, one, to the idea of a inner calling that we all have, a particular path that if we find it and follow it, not only will bring us the reward of 'spiritual growth', but also the satisfaction of doing the right thing and that we will feel by the sense of joy, peace and accomplishment; and, two, to the fact that we might have been conditioned to be/ to choose/to do,  something else... this, translating itself by the personality making choices that are not in accord with the soul's purpose.

My first look at your chart points to me to a very intelligent, articulated well educated person; your mental and intellectual abilities and curiosity are highlighted; you have  lost of planets in Gemini plus Libra rising. My take was that your intellectual and higher knowledge pursuits (ninth house) were connected with either aesthetics, art from other cultures and civilizations.. or maybe law and the judicial system. Your Libra rising  gives you a high sense of balance, ethics of beauty, and  boarder sense of social justice which is the  highest expression of the need for peace and harmony that this sign represents. This is a quality that seems to be very present in your life that is, the need for equilibrium, peace, harmony, beauty. So, your desire to expand your field of knowledge and to highre studies seemed to me to be on the right track.

Then, the fact that this pursuit you were following was first delayed three times, and then when you were on track, was suddenly interrupted by illness, asks for a deeper reading of your chart, that is to find out the hidden connections behind the situation; to do so, i choose diving into the 12th house, and working with esoteric rulerships (more on that later) in order to break the chart and see the WHOLE picture.

Let's do this in parts. Health and healing is a sixth house matter, as is service and work. You have Chiron (the wounded healer arquetype) in the sixth house in Aries; Chiron in Aries points to an identity crisis, a wounding of the 'i am'... in the sixth house this is manifested as a healing crisis that makes this identity crisis visible. Your natal Chiron is opposing Uranus in the 12th house, who's cusp is in Virgo, the sign associated with the sixth house.... so there is an important connection here.

Barbara Hand Claw in her book on Chiron says: The body/mind balance is critical to those who have Chiron in the sixth house, because Chiron's rulership of this house is the prime example of how we must know Chiron by experience. Thus, our actual experiences in work (sixth house) and our search for a meaningful goal in life are our healers.' '

The day you had your diabetes attack, you had Sun, Moon, Venus and Mercury transiting your sixth house, opposing Pluto and Uranus in the 12th, and squaring natal Sun, Venus and Mars in the ninth house of higher goals and studies. Mercury the ruler of your Sun and the ruler of your 12th house is in your natal chart squaring Chiron and squaring Pluto and Uranus. This feels to me like the lightning bolt of Uranus bringing the transformative powers of Pluto, activated by all this condensed energy of planets' transit; this opened  the healing crisis and stopped your ninth's house plans of higher knowledge and studies.

Why we may ask? Well, whenever we have these big players together, i would say we are in spiritual crisis territory, that is, a benefit disguised as disgrace that occurs so we can awake. It is a call for awareness.

What is the awakening about? well...

I want to take a look at your parents influence in your sense of self, and see if i can convey to you the principles i see behind this. We are tracing subconscious patterns (12th house material) that might have been at play.

With Libra rising, Pluto rules your second house, the house in which we asses our sense of self value, self worth, self needs etc.; this placement is about a sense of responsibility to keep the peace in the family and to put the needs of others before ones; there is in the background the feeling that if one is good enough any upsetting conditions will disappear from the family scene; it makes you feeling not safe and secure in showing feelings of anger and jealousy and competitiveness;  and it gives you the ability to hide real desires.

With Cancer ruling your tenth house, one of your parents must have appeared vulnerable in your eyes, maybe with emotional needs that your felt stronger than yours, so you might had to put your emotional reactions aside in order to protect that parent, or to keep the harmony in the home front; usually keeping the harmony means repressing anger.

Capricorn ruling your 4th house suggest to me that there is a fear of expansion related to an overly restrictive and cautious parent (probably father of father figure) that transmitted powerful judgmental messages during childhood. Usually there is a fear coming from this parent, of seeing the child flying the filial duty... and going out into the world; this gives the sensation of being trapped home while wanting to travel and expand. To fly out of the playpen created by Saturn (Capricorn's ruler)

This restrictive pattern coming from childhood plays itself into relationships. You have your natal Saturn in the Seventh house of marriage, partnerships and associations. With Libra rising, again your are a peace keeper, and the Aries (your seventh house cusp) expression of anger is repressed and contain. This can build up as a destructive energy that instead of being expressed outwardly into healthy expression, is kept inside in a self destructive way.

It is important to point out that when we talk about anger, we are really talking about passion, and that connecting with our anger is connecting with the fire that makes us burn, and that passion is the fuel that make us move toward the direction we want to go. If we repress our anger, we repress our passion.

So, the story i get is that in your choosing studying a phd you were really going against your real need to break free from these restrictive structures; you were going against your desire to feel free and fly away home, restrictive relationships, etc. but probably an inner sense of duty, guilt and containment pushed you to choose a safer path. It feels also that the lack of contact with your anger and passion created a build up of energy, that had a very explosive quality health wise. (Mars squares Pluto, Moon, Uranus and Chiron)

This is the split i mentioned before about soul versus personality's agendas. 

The esoteric rulership system is different from traditional astrology. I am going to use it here so we can try to find the hidden (esoteric) voices of your chart. In esoteric astrology, the ascendant sign is the one who points out the the life's path and the soul's purpose. This because it establishes the personality (the ascendant) as the ally of the soul, it's vehicle of expression.

This is how it works:

The esoteric ruler of Libra is Uranus; Uranus conjunct Pluto is in the 12th house in Virgo; the esoteric ruler of Virgo is the Moon in the 11th house conjunct Jupiter.
This combination is a door that will point out to 'a way' of the soul.

Uranus is the affirmation of ones true genius and individuality. It represents our need to break away from the Saturnian rules and heavy structured walls, so we can affirm our true spirit; it rules freedom. So, there is here a calling to be free and to manifest one's true sense of personal expression; being in the 12th house this need to express one's individuality and personal freedom is deeply buried, it could also mean that there is a family pattern or legacy of repressing creative energy that is passed on through generations. This house rules prisons and confinements; the image is then, that Uranus' call to be free is behind bars. Pluto in the equation, brings us the idea of personal power, that is that once these walls from the past are crossed over, not only one will find one's freedom, but also one's true sense of inner power.

Then we look at the Moon; it's esoteric meaning makes it the ruler of your 12th house, and it is located in the 11th house. The 11th house is the house of 'us', that is that the sense of individuality is built for a greater good; it means that any sense of personal achievement is experienced as a stepping stone towards a collective process, effort, etc. My take is that the key to find your personal expression is through your Moon.

The Moon has to do with nurturing and emotional needs, and it rules the collective subconscious; so any personal experience regarding nurturing and the lack of it, in the past, gives you an understanding of other people's need and the possibility of higher level of compassion that would be very beneficial in collective efforts.

I would say you that through playing a role in any philanthropic  and humanitarian effort, you could connect with a deeper aspect of yourself that could bring you a sense of well being and achievement. You could achieve a healthy a sense of personal honor in participating in projects that have the betterment of the world , or of your immediate environment, as a goal. The 11th is the house of the ideals you seek to achieve; with Jupiter conjunct the Moon i would say that you could connect with the expansive quality of your nature by embracing your own emotional setbacks and limitations and making them your allies through any from of community effort.

You have powerful communication skills, and a genuine interest for other cultures; you have inner personal power, a warm heart, and a philanthropic disposition... if non of this rings a bell, or makes you reflect on your possibilities for change, you need to take time a reflect about all this deeply.

A friend of mine just went to India to spend three weeks on vacation, it was her first time there; she felt such a change within herself that she connected with a deep sense of self that she had no access to, here in Paris; she came back focused and with many priorities clear... one of them was to go part time, cut her expenses, contact some potential investors and start a foundation to teach english to kids in India. She has no idea what is this about, but she feels it's right. Before that she has never felt any social consciousness, nor a particular inclination to do service work, but she says, now she gets it, and it feels right to her.

So i say this is about you giving yourself the opportunity to open some hidden doors and find your power and inner sense of freedom. I can't say to you what to do, because you can only feel it in your guts and heart, but i can point out to some concepts that might help you 'defrost' the sense of loss and confusion. Usually the defrosting process is called awareness.

Chiron orbits between Uranus and Saturn, for this reason it is interpreted as the bridge between the restrictive qualities of Saturn and the liberating ones of Uranus; it is considered the second ruler of Virgo (after Mercury). This gives us another approach to your chart that might lead us to a similar place. Usually this is what astrology is about, when you look at every possible angle and in all sorts of ways they seem to point out to the same door. As i said before, Chiron being in the six house (the house associated with Virgo), tells me the story of a wounding through a healing crisis , or the healing of a wound triggered by a health situation. With Chiron we have to look at the long run, because usually his harsh lessons are blessings in disguise. The blessing comes through under the form of awareness; that is, being conscious is really the first step towards freedom. The 6th house is also a service oriented place; with Chiron there i would think in terms of 'how my wound can be a benefit to others, how my healing crisis can be a form of awareness that i can bring to others as a service, or how my wound can be transformed into a constructive service?' pushing it further, it could also mean 'how my experience of illness, it's limitations and restrictions (the Saturn part of the equation), can be my teachers to free?' and, as Chiron is a teacher, how can i teach others through my experience?'. The twelve house is a collective dimension of the sixth house, so i would think that the opposition of Uranus a Chiron from these two houses have something to do with helping others who are confined and ill, maybe? to deal with there illness, and find their sense of inner freedom. This energy could translate itself as maybe you taking time to accompany the ill in their confined bed and bring some beauty to their lives?.... i am saying this just a an example.

I am stopping here. I think you have enough to think about and to digest. Please let me know how you are doing, and what has all this brought up.

Warm hug,


« Last Edit: November 09, 2006, 07:42:22 AM by paloma » Logged

I am available for in depth readings by mail and phone; or in person, if you are in Barcelona. I am fluent in french, spanish and english. Contact me at
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« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2006, 07:40:50 AM »

Dear Paloma - I have read this three times now and I am completely blown away by how amazing it is in its clarity. You have no idea how brilliantly on target you are. For example, when you mentioned my 9th house pursuits ("connected with.... aesthetics, art from other cultures and civilizations") you were exactly right: I studied both art history and cultural history/world civilizations, and the cultural and historical study of religion was the subject of my graduate studies. I had always wanted to take actual art classes and be creative (for example, I wanted to learn HOW to paint or write, rather than writing intellectual analyses ABOUT paintings and writers), but I believed that being an artist wasn't "practical" (among other things) and therefore wasn't worth pursuing. I had always wanted to travel, but believed that it was flaky and selfish to run off and do what I wanted to do.

Your assessment of my "parental influences" was so accurate that it gave me shivers. Every single point was correct, and it was as if you were able to actually see my childhood. Even as a small child, I was always the "responsible" one, the one who took care of everyone and everything. Linked to that are your comments on anger and passion, which I found very interesting - I have always been extremely angry, to the point of rage at times, but never really could figure out why. I believe now that I know why. I understand now why they say that depression is anger turned inward. It's almost as if I seek out confining sitatuations that mirror the inner shackling. I wanted to be free, but all along, it was only me keeping me locked up.

Paloma, over the past couple of weeks you have been able to shed a light on what has been hidden in a way that I think I understand at my very core. I'm sure more will be revealed over time. It's funny because it is what a part of me deep inside has seemed to always know, but which another "outer" part of me constantly denies. It's like you just stepped in and shook me awake, reminding me of what I had forgotten long ago. I am so grateful to you for writing in such detail and for helping to light my path of freedom.

I really cannot thank you enough for this wonderful gift.

Many, many blessings,

Travel_ Chick

I am available for in depth readings by mail and phone; or in person, if you are in Barcelona. I am fluent in french, spanish and english. Contact me at
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