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Author Topic: I am trying to figure out what my calling is right now.  (Read 1495 times)
paloma
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« on: April 02, 2007, 02:01:41 PM »

I am trying to figure out what my calling is right now.   I have been accepted to a doctorate program in clinical psychology this fall but there is something in me that wonders if i am supposed to have kids first.  My biological clock has started ticking- loudly!  It doesn't help matters that my boyfriend and i have only recently started seeing eachother again after a 2 month break.  We were together for 14 months and it was serious from the get-go.  We were talking marriage and kids- the works.  But now we are sort of starting over so-to-speak.  So thinking about kids isn't quite realistic- but i cannot help it. The other thing that complicates matters is my love of astrology.  I know i want to study it seriously and have it be a part of my life's work.  I wonder if i should be studying astrology first/instead of going to grad school this fall.  I could always pursue my doctorate later in life- after i have children.  If i do the doctorate program now i cannot have kids for 5 years- which puts me at 34.  I do not want to wait that long to have kids.  I am confused Sad  it probably doesn't help that i have Saturn semisquare my Sun and Saturn Return coming up- which is causing me to question everything.  Can you give me any guidance?  It would be much appreciated! 

So i guess the questions are:  when should i have kids?  Should i pursue astrology or psychology- and if both- which first?  (i cannot intensively study both at the same time).  And, is my boyfriend the one i should be spending my life/having kids with?  I see all these questions as interconnected- which is why i ask them all.  I hope it isn't too complicated to answer Sad


http://planetwaves.net/chart.php?c=sf
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I am available for in depth readings by mail and phone; or in person, if you are in Barcelona. I am fluent in french, spanish and english. Contact me at  paloma@planetwaves.net
paloma
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« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2007, 02:03:29 PM »

Dear Sf,

I say keep interrogating yourself until your Saturn's return; give your relationship a break to grow and prove itself and to build a solid foundation. Right after your Saturn's return, Saturn will be making a conjunction to your Descendant (your close associates, your partner). You will have more ground to make decisions when these two close transits will be over.

Fourteen years ago Saturn made a conjunction to your Ascendant. It was a time when you learned to define your individuality, your experience of yourself, and the terms on how to be in the world. Now these lessons expands to the concept of others, that is, how you experience yourself through committed associations, one-on-one encounters with others, and intimate relationships. Saturn's transit to the descendant, and later the seventh house, brings lessons on how to manage restrictions, confrontations and tensions in close associations, be it professional or personal. It is a sort of test of character in which you will learn to define what your expectations of others are (and vice versa); what are you bringing to the relationship, how do you projects on others the aspects of your personality that you are not willing to confront in yourself; and what agreements you have made in your relationships, and how these agreements are in accord to your life's purpose.

During these past fourteen years, Saturn has been transiting the lower part of your chart, that is the above the horizon sector of the horoscope. This is a period where the focus was mainly oriented towards your inner world; you have been learning who you are, your sense of value, your limits, needs and desires; you have been building a sense of self strong enough to stand up for the negotiation aspect of the seventh house, that is how to interact with others, and how much are you willing to compromise, to exchange, give and receive, in order to maintain a relationship. This is the first stage of another fourteen years journey, where Saturn will be slowly moving into the open space of your chart; that is, above the horizon, where we move out of the inner nest and connect to a larger world of experience: the complex and wild world of social interactions, groups, visibility, vocation, ambitions, social responsibility, collective experiences, etc.

(As i said, this transit happens right after your Saturn's return. Much has been said about the Saturn Return on Astrology Secrets Revealed, so i have included, at the end of my answer, a small compilation of Eric's writings on the subject; plus, here, on the forum, a couple of threads have covered the subject, too.)

During the above mentioned transit, Saturn will be making an opposition to your natal Moon conjunct the Ascendant (and activating your natal opposition of Saturn and the Moon). The Moon is the ruler of your fifth house, the house associated with the first child, children, creation, etc. Your natal Sun is in Cancer with Jupiter making a close trine to your natal Moon on the Ascendant. Yes i can see how motherhood is a calling for you, a deep calling, i say.

Usually Saturn's transits opposing the Moon has bad press in the astrological annals; it is said to be emotionally stressing, where a sense of isolation and alienation is brought up in some sort of emotional crisis. I think it is a great opportunity to learn about our subconscious emotional agendas and how they are influencing our decisions. Usually depression is a symptom of a false belief deeply buried interrupting our capacity to choose. Saturn makes us uncomfortable until we do something about it.

The Moon represents the emotional needs that we all have to take into account so we can fulfill our life path, purpose, calling... The question you are presenting here, is directly connected with the energy of this coming transit. You are feeling the calling of motherhood as a life purpose, as strong as your desire to study. You have Neptune in the mid heaven, bringing some cloudy confusion regarding the theme of career and vocation; Neptune rules your Moon in the first house, bringing, again, the desire to be a mother as strong as the desire to have a career. My question is, in the mist of the 21st century, are women allowed to consider motherhood as a career? Maybe this is a tabu question, but, this opposition, between Saturn and the Moon in your natal chart, is stressing the conflict, the impeding need to choose, as if one thing would be limiting or sacrificing the other.

Pallas and Vesta are in your ninth house, close to the mid heaven; this close conjunction seems to be calling you strongly. There is a powerful, even devotional, need to expand and grow through the intellect, through studies related to higher forms of thoughts, connected with art, beauty, mythology; there is something quite feminine and nurturing related to this configuration, a sense of calling and service (Venus trines the Pallas and Vesta conjunction from the sixth house) that is the one pushing you into your conflict. You know there is something here.

My invitation for you is to interrogate yourself on a deep level; to go beyond assumptions that you might have inherited from your parental structure, and to ask yourself, where is the door that resolves the conflict; where is the breath of relief and the sense of freedom. When you feel it, your will know you are on the right path.

You might consider your assumption that you cannot study and be a mother at the same time, for example; or that you feel a pressure connected to time and motherhood, as if 34 years was to old to be a mother, for example. Behind these you might dig and find, maybe, the voice of your mother, and her ideas about motherhood being the ones limiting your movements, decisions, etc.

Nobody can answer these questions for you, that you know, i am sure. I can only say that Uranus is quite interestingly, making a trine to your Moon and Mercury and Jupiter in the fifth house from the eighth. Uranus rules astrology, and from this position  it seems to be inviting you to dig in the mysteries of the esoteric. Your intuition is quite strong and my take is that you might be quite creative at it, and most importantly, enjoy it.

We will soon have a psychologist and astrologer collaborating with us on this forum, Cristina. She might help you with the choice between astrology and psychology; my take is much too personal, as i think we need more astrologers than psychologists in this world.

I wish you the best, and please keep us posted!

Paloma


http://www.cainer.com/ericfrancis/aug27.html
http://www.cainer.com/ericfrancis/july8.html
http://www.cainer.com/ericfrancis/july30.html
http://www.cainer.com/ericfrancis/feb3.html
http://www.cainer.com/ericfrancis/aug20.html
http://www.cainer.com/ericfrancis/july9.html
and more
http://www.picosearch.com/cgi-bin/ts.pl?query=saturn+return&index=403456
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I am available for in depth readings by mail and phone; or in person, if you are in Barcelona. I am fluent in french, spanish and english. Contact me at  paloma@planetwaves.net
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